Seeing as each gender has its own fitra (natural instincts) and DNA from Allah, it is crucial to know the differences so as to be able to get into and have solid marriages. As a woman, you need to know what you want in a husband and be clear about it. Don’t claim to want a certain type of man like a God fearing one or the strong type or even subtler and timid type just so that you can seem better. Go for the qualities that you really treasure and that way, you won’t resent your decisions. This applies to every woman even the professional women with demanding careers. Some of the key traits that make a man, ‘husband material’ are as follows.
Deen and Akhlaq
The Prophet peace and blessings be upon him said there are 3 things one can look to when looking for a spouse; looks, money/status and Deen and he (pbuh) said that the Deen is the most important factor in determining if a spouse is right for you in the long run. Find a potential spouse who shares the same values when it comes to Deen, who is practicing and has Taqwa and does things for the sake of Allah swt. A partner who is genuine with his relationship with his Creator will also treat you with love, compassion and respect, for the sake of Allah swt as you are a trust and he is accountable with the way he provides and treats you in the eyes of his Creator.
As much as you would like to stick to the whole ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ story, appearances matter. You have your own idea of what is beautiful and what is not. This is all applied the moment to you see someone, does he fit your criteria, if he does then suddenly you become interested. Physical attraction is an importance factor in a relationship, it is not superficial so don’t be ashamed of it.
Most women prefer to date men older by about 4 years because men mature slower than women. It is also believed that an older man will have more wisdom in the secular and Muslim world. Age plays a huge role when it comes to thinking about someone to spend your whole life with. The man can also be younger than the woman as long as he is emotionally mature, responsible and independent. At that point, age is nothing but a number.
What principles does the man have? One’s faith matters a lot, but this can’t be used to weigh his character. You need your partner to have traits that you can live with him in one home. He may be proud and have a huge ego or have a calm demeanor and very patient. There are two sides of a coin, choose which side you want and work towards it. The Prophet did say:
“Whoever comes to you and you are pleased with their deen and character, marry them!”
The key questions should be: is his source of income halal? Does he pay zakaat? Does he attend Juma’ah? His source of money shouldn’t be from illegal businesses and he should not sacrifice his religion on behalf of his work. It is great to have a vision and work towards it in the right process.
Most people assume that once a woman is married, she has to sacrifice her career and focus on her family. That is not the case, it isn’t wrong for a woman to want to quit working so as to focus on her family as long as it is her decision. On the other hand, you are not any less of a wife for choosing to juggle your family and work. Pray about your decisions and ensure that they are from your heart.