Change is known to be the only constant factor in everyone’s life. You can count on something changing. Some examples are your office moving from one place to another, your spouse getting a new job, a promotion and retrenchment or getting pregnant. It is inevitable, the best thing to do is to be prepared to handle change and however, it comes. It can be destabilizing, but after a while, you get your footing and get right back on track.
There is a theory by Jeffrey Larson, a therapist that states every marriage goes through three stages.
Stage 1– Romantic love: this tends to be the honeymoon phase when everything is passionate and exciting.
Stage 2– Disillusionment and distraction: you start seeing things for what they are like your spouse being a terrible cook and things like work or children distracting you from focusing on your marriage.
Stage 3– Decision Point: this is not always necessary but some couples then have to decide whether the everyday life and constant change is worth it for them to stay together for eternity.
Some of the things to help you adapt to change include:
- Be Realistic
As much as it may be difficult to accept, sometimes you may set goals that are surreal. This must stop. Regarding your marriage, expect realistic things, superman and wonder woman are fictional characters, not your spouse. Just as your personality will change, so will your partner’s. This is not a bad thing; a little change never hurt anybody. So, embrace it. Don’t expect an outrageous gift for your anniversary or flowers at your workplace each day. Sit down with your partner and discuss what you both want and need. This will help you be on the same page and move forward.
- Be Committed
This is a factor that holds marriages together, be committed. Whether it is the good times or the bad, it makes a huge difference when you are loyal to your partner. Knowing that your partner will be there through thick and thin is an encouragement to face every struggle coming your way and coming out like a champ.
- Deal with the disagreements
There will always be one thing or another that you will disagree over. Instead of making a molehill into a mountain, handle it. Get to a mutual ground and fight fairly. It isn’t the disagreement that is the issue, it is how it is handled that is the most sensitive process.
Not every problem is to be fixed; at times you just must accept the flaws and learn to love them. Don’t take it up as a project, just accept the differences. Your partner may prefer eating out rather than cooking/ going for dinner parties so often. You can work around that and in the long-term things will run smoothly
Every morning you choose what directions to take your marriage in, whatever you do include love and its acts. Be prayerful and Allah will bless your family abundantly.